“What I thought I wanted, what I got instead; Leaves me broken and somehow peaceful” – Sara Groves

 

That probably sums up my life when it comes to marriage and parenting.

Don’t get me wrong, my husband and my three girls are wonderful and I love them more than anything…they are all blessings from God!  It’s not them, it’s me.

A truly insane perfectionist, I hate to ever be wrong.  I got straight A’s in school, but was upset about individual test questions I missed or assignments that weren’t perfect. I was good at everything I set out to do…sometimes even the best.  I entered marriage confident that I would be successful as a wife (as defined by me).  Sixteen months later when our first child was born, I was equally certain she would be the grateful recipient of the best mothering possible!

But . . . God showed His love for me by filling my plate with so much hardship I could not possibly meet my own expectation of perfect wife and best mom in the world.

I guess there’s nothing wrong with striving for excellence…after all, “do everything as to the Lord” . . . but in this blog I will share some of the struggles, heartbreak, lessons, and victories that have come because of my love for my husband and for my children.

 

“My expectation in life is to be invisible, and I’m good at it.” – Mia Thermopolis, The Princess Diaries

Truer words were never spoken.

I have wholeheartedly embraced this goal for most of my life.  Talking with more than one person at a time makes me nervous.  The idea of writing down my experiences to share with “the world” seems ridiculous to me.  As a completely average person, why would anyone have any interest in anything I have to say? I have no special training or skills.  Nothing I have learned is revolutionary.

But, I also believe our experiences have value beyond our own benefit.  Our stories (everyone’s stories) can encourage another traveller on life’s journey.  And so I have chosen to share, not because I have some special gift or wonderful insight, but because I hope to encourage someone who might be going through similar circumstances.

“Think of people you consider fanatical. They’re overbearing, self-righteous, opinionated, insensitive, and harsh. Why? It’s not because they are too Christian, it’s because they are not Christian enough. They are fanatically zealous and courageous, but they are not fanatically humble, sensitive, loving, empathic, forgiving, or understanding- as Christ was… What strikes us as overly fanatical is actually a failure to be fully committed to Christ and his gospel.”
― Timothy J. Keller, The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism

Very simply, I am a follower of Jesus Christ.

A lot of people have very different ideas and emotions about the word Christian, since it has been associated with so many faulty human inventions.  I suspect most readers here are Christians . . . I doubt others will have much interest in my spiritual lessons.  Still, for the sake of clarity, this is what I believe:

I believe God created humans in HIS image for the purpose of sharing the delight of perfect love.  And, since love without choice is not love at all, God gave humans the ability to accept or reject Him.  When mankind rejected God (as evidenced by Adam’s choice to disobey a pretty simple instruction), God himself became human and took the penalty of man’s rejection on himself, making restoration possible for all who will humble themselves and surrender to the Lordship of Christ.

“The Christian Gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less.”
― Timothy J. Keller, The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism